Yesterday, the Boy left home. Yes, I know he left previously to go to live in halls at university, but this time is different. He's moved into a very smart two bedroomed apartment and, barring any unforeseen disasters, he won't be coming back.
I'm not gonna lie, it's not easy and I'm wobbly. Make that very wobbly.
The week leading up to his departure was awful. I had permanent butterflies in my stomach, feeling like I was about to sit an exam or attend an interview, and I couldn't sleep. I'm very emotional at the best of times (if you're a regular visitor here you already know that), a card holding cry baby, in fact. I've cried in the bath, over the coffee machine, in the car, in bed, I cried when I gave that hug goodbye, I cried when my friend rang last night to see how I was coping. So much crying I now need an industrial strength de-puffing eye cream (recommendations greatly appreciated).
Of course, I know leaving the family home for truly independent living is the right move for the Boy. It's what happens. It's what should happen. But it's different for us as parents. As someone wrote after his own son left home, 'He is experiencing the adjustments that come with beginnings. His life is starting for real. I have begun the long letting go.” We'll now need to adjust to having a very much reduced role and presence in his life. He's now firmly in the driving seat.
Whilst it really is great to see him striking out on his own, knowing that he's eminently capable of creating a comfortable home and looking after himself, the truly hard bit is adjusting to the gap, to this new stage in our lives and being a couple again. We're not the same people we were all those years ago when it was just the two of us the first time round and I'm not just referring to the wrinkles.
The mister is still living with severe depression and anxiety (if indeed that's what it is; he certainly ticks a number of other boxes) and struggles with communication on any level, whilst I'll admit to being not the most sympathetic or considerate. And now there's no buffer.
So, I'm accepting this period won't be easy but I do believe that at some point we'll find a new equilibrium, a new 'normal'.
In the meantime, I'm off to stock up on Kleenex tissues.