Once upon a time, a woman living a mostly happy life in the north east of England decided she needed to make changes to the place she called home. "That kitchen", she said one morning to her husband of many years (who, it has to be said, usually turned an impressively deaf ear to her seemingly endless improvement plans) "has to go". She had an idea of what she wanted the little space in which she enjoyed creating sweet and sparkly confections to look like and,in due course ( after plying her husband with the sweetest, sparkliest, most buttery little cakes she could muster) the work to transform the old, no longer loved, kitchen began.
Just as the husband had predicted (with words spoken only in his head, you understand), the woman soon began to have regrets about the chain of events that had been set in motion by the simple writing of a signature on a dotted line. She hadn't fully comprehended what life would be like, albeit in the short term, without the (by now not always reliable) electrical gadgetry she had come to take for granted - the washing machine, the cooker, the dishwasher, the sink with the waste disposal, the fridge and the freezer.
The jolly kitchen fitters, fuelled with gallons of Tetley tea and mountains of McVitie's digestives, tried their best to make her smile as they beavered away to the incessant strains of Century Radio. But, with the wrong sink being fitted, a mix-up with the handles being delivered and the granite worktop being dropped, the woman found she had lost her sense of humour.
The weeks passed and she relied more and more on a couple of old friends to provide sustenance of the ready meal variety. As November turned into December, she had nightmarish visions of having to defrost a spinach and ricotta lasagne for Christmas lunch instead of serving her traditional home cooked Cashew Nut Roast With A Delicious Chestnut Stuffing Layer And Pinenut Topping (which even her non-vegetarian, and most definitely non-pasta eating, elderly Aunt relished).
To cut a rather long fairy story short, there was, you will no doubt be relieved to hear, a happy ending. The jolly fitters eventually departed to work their magic on kitchens elsewhere and, on Christmas Eve, the husband rolled up his sleeves to put a final shine on the beautiful new granite worktops and sleek cupboard doors, and to carefully position the old scales which the woman's dear dad had used to weigh sweets in his shop many years ago.
And the woman smiled.
The End.